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Thank God I'm still living untill now.

It’s who we are
Doesn’t matter if we’ve gone too far
Doesn’t matter if it’s all okay
Doesn’t matter if it’s not our day
Because its who we are.

Have you ever been wondering, why the worlds work so systematically so that everything human ever dreamt almost came true? A hundred years ago no one never knew that we would be able to travel upon clouds , 60 years ago no one ever wonder that we could talk to each other from a long distance trough telephones and televisions, and not until 20 years ago, who knew that we could banish the wall of communication even shorter: internet. It all thanks to our basic human perception: curiosity. It has become a major sword for those who fight for their dream: Curiosity is contradictory with fear, yet sometimes, or most of the times, it is what makes us brave in taking every decision we should all make. Even not only human, every young living flesh, has this so beneficially-curiousity. Birds would be curious how they will be able to fly, kittens on how their mother can leap from windows to windows, and us, human, how we be able to communicate and sharing feeling with other humans.

And thanks to curiosity we can be able to live up till now, at least.

Everyone has curiosity; meaning everyone has chances to be able to do things they curious about: so that every dream will always come true; then why some people still suffering, feeling disappointed for the life they’ve been living, or they don’t really feel the effect of their curiosity is affecting their daily life, cs their dream hasn’t been real yet.

So let me share to you what’s inside my head about this,

As we grow older and wiser (hopefully), we learnt that not everything we ever wanted to work will be working, or happening. And as we know that we face this reality, fear has becoming greater rather than our curiosity, in which fear eats space for curiosity inside our mind. AS a result, we would rather prefer be livin’ in the most possible safe way, for example, (im just taking it randomly): Study hard in highschool, get good university, get good GPAs, get a job with a high salary in a nice company, married, help parents, and so on, till we retire or old. We are not conscious that as we always keep playing on the safest way (that we think), we actually limit our possibilities and filling our heads with the fear of failures when we get kicked out from the safest ways.

When this kind of fear fills up the space inside yourself, you probably already closed your mind for curiosity. “It’s not a time to be playing with that broh” you probably say that to your friend whos been making videos while theyre still in the university, or you say, “music wont help you survive this world when you’re grown up.”. or maybe “Just study hard, don’t waste your time for useless things”. Yes, we say that sometimes to others to make sure what we feel is the best-safe way to live. It gives a pleasure that our safe way is better than most others way.

So what happen when there’s no space left for curiosity inside ourself? You must know what the answer is, because if it’s not, then probably you already been living the way that eats up space for curiosity in your heads.  Yes, the effect is: when failures hit you hard, mostly we will fall into slump of depression and desperation. Knowing that if we could repeat something all over and probably did better. Everything is in despair in which you think you don’t know how you will be able to rise up and stand back again. Feels like its all over and you got no more chances left cause you know are not in your safest way anymore.

But let me tell you this, I’ve been in into all that phase. Then What did I do? Yes I fell into despair thinking and even been suicidal. I restarted every converstation I had with all of my friends. I don’t feel the same way I used to be when I was in my safe way. I was kinda feel like im one of the best human alive, or im just better than any other else in average, but now I'm a real shit. I lost my confidence, and stuck into bad things for months. I cried every night, wishing I could restart my life all over again. Every night I always wonder how other will see me the way I am now, I always been tired every morning and can’t get easy sleep at nights. Fear has eaten all of my good minds.

Untill one day I could tell whats actually happening on me to a person, and I’m surprised that he didn’t judge me for what im doing. He just listened and sometimes saying that it is what it is. It’s life and we are human. He started to bring up things and windows of opportuinities that’s been hidden inside my fear: the chances and possibilities. Slowly but sure, im starting to grow up a little thing called curiosity inside my head again. I know It will never be the same, but I feel that I’m start to really learning how this life can be. I start replanning  things for everything that’s been scrumbling down with my life.

And at last, what im trying to say is that we are all human. It’s okay to hit failures, it’s okay if we stay out from our safe way. As long we feed our head with curiosity, and not letting the fear takking up big spaces inside our head, I believe you can survive through any worst case in your life. Start look over ourself, if we thinking or comparing ourself with others, probably we already fed fear too much inside our heads, just to ensure that our safe way is the only way to make our dreams come true.

And for those who probably now still struggling with depression or stuffs, don’t try to handle it alone, have someone to talk to. Or probably if you don’t mind you can share with me. Through every way you can contact me, contact me.

And at the very last, for those who probably feel still in their safe way, and see others who desperate as an immature, shame, or not ready to face real life, let me tell you, you will never know what or how they’ve been feeling, and been through, until you’ve been in the same shoes as them. I just wish you good luck when that rocks of life hit you hard, I wish the space inside your head hasn’t taken all by fear and you still got someone to hold on to. (unedited)

Ps. to be honest, I found so many great songs through depression, and I keep listening to it till now. J

It’s who we are
Doesn’t matter if we’ve gone too far
Doesn’t matter if it’s all okay
Doesn’t matter if it’s not our day
Because its who we are.

Who we are- imagine dragons.


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